


Selfish

by Wilderfox



Category: Keyakizaka46 (Band)
Genre: F/F, Implied/Referenced Suicide, depressed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-16
Updated: 2020-10-16
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:27:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27043480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wilderfox/pseuds/Wilderfox
Summary: this has been on my draft since 2018. i'm sure i have posted this on wattpad a long time ago.. but i don't remember which work lmao
Relationships: Nagahama Neru/Watanabe Risa
Kudos: 6





	Selfish

**Author's Note:**

> this has been on my draft since 2018. i'm sure i have posted this on wattpad a long time ago.. but i don't remember which work lmao

“What do you know. You weren't even with me all this time. Maybe if I died, you wouldn't even know. "

“No — it won't take long to understand. We have something in common. I know that you sat alone on platform 4 not to wait for a ride. "

Neru stared blankly at her partner. Paying attention to the expression on her face closely — indeed Risa didn't show a lie. Because Neru's cruel experiences make her sensitive to the human traits of those around her. Even with the dim lights of Station that night, Neru could guess what Risa was thinking.

"You can't die yet, Nagahama-san." Risa continued her words.

"I'm a murderer," Neru chuckled, an expression of sarcasm at Risa. However, Risa didn't budge. She stayed there, clenched her fists and wasn't afraid of her at all. “I have fought against my desire to kill a person many times. People I hated, my friends who betrayed before, even the people closest to me. "

This time Risa walked closer to Neru. They are now only a few meters apart, blocked by a station pillar with lighted ads on it.

Neru stared blankly at Risa. "But I never could. My emotions, my selfishness ... can never be conveyed. But in exchange .. "  
“I hurt myself. One, two, three times or maybe more? " she delayed her words. This time she could see Risa frowning. “They are evil, Risa. Laugh freely and act as if they are the victims. Pointing at scapegoats even though themselves are bastard wolves in white fur! Those mouths .. in fact, now I imagine if one day I could tear it up to the ear. "

"Is that how big your hatred is?"

"Yes, and no. And until now you still care and believe that I'm a good person? I don't even care about— "

“I know you're lying, Nagahama-san. I know you care and you only hesitate to show it, you are afraid that your caring will only be considered as fake ! You care about your enemies even though you hate them the most! You really care about the people closest to you — I know you care, Neru! You-"

"AND I DON'T WANT THAT FEELING TURNS TO HATE!" Risa gasped, she didn't expect that from Neru who had never yelled—even if it was just a joke—now shouted at her, crying. "I really care about you, Risa. But the more I care about you, something appears inside me that makes me want to hate you. It hurts, fighting with your own emotions every time I talk to you. "

_Even if I'm honest, you're the reason I still want to live these two months, Risa. To the extent that I promised to always be with you — to keep you from feeling lonely again. I don't know .. what I want anymore._

_We are close. But that's just an idiom. Each of us rebels wants to get away, as far as possible. The laughter and jokes that we make ... there could be false emotions, expressions of hatred and hope that one of us understands that expression. I don't know, too embarrassed by my low level that I play on words to reveal the message. But honestly, I'm selfish. I didn't want any of that to happen, even though it's too late now._

Neru smiled bitterly. _It's all done._ She didn't want to talk more to Risa, so her tongue wouldn't slip and hurt her with cruel words. When the time is come, the train will soon pass and it's her time to die.

"Say it, Risa. Am I still selfish? "

_Let it go, what I feel remains a secret of mine._


End file.
